Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
