My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
