My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The uberlube is also flammable
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
