Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
