I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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