please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
