so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
