Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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