I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
