So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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