if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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