I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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