At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
COCAINE IS GR8
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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