Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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