The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
