bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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