I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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