one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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