He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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