I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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