Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I could fuck to npr.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
