If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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