mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
