So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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