Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
