Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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