just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
