Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
