Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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