I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
