my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
