The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
