I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
50% drunk capacity currently
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
