The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
