I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
