Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
