the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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