i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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