my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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