i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
