Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
