I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
