Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
