i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
