I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
