I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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