just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
