Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
