Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
