All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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