I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
