I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
