my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
